Ok; here’s the thing; in order to understand ‘ol Donald we have to go back to Germany cause that’s where Donald’s family if from; but his name used to be TRUMPF. I ain’t sure how to pronounce that, maybe it’s a Trump with an “…f….f….f…” on the end kinda like the air leaking out of a tire. Anyway; the Trumps had a habit of bending the facts a little bit so they thought they outta just drop the “F”; besides they said they really didn’t need it as it WAS a bit suggestive and they also picked a good time to do it cause right about then it wasn’t a good idea to be German; and you’ll see why.

After the end of the First World War there was a lot of folks around the world that were really mad at Germany because their leader; this guy named BISMARCK; got hisself a big army and started running around Europe blowing things up and killing a bunch of folks. He figered:

“What good was a big army if you can’t kill a bunch of folks?”

Anyway; a lot of other countries got together and went over there and kicked the shit out of ‘ol Bismarck and his big army and they lost the war; which the German people didn’t want in the first place but that didn’t matter cause they got blamed for the war anyway; and France and some other countries were damn sure gonna make ’em pay for it “By God!” I don’t think Bismarck had to pay for any of it; but the people sure did!

So anyway; having to pay for all that war damage the people go so poor they didn’t have nothin’ ! Their country was a shambles; they were hungry; they didn’t have a pot to piss in. They were scared too cause the rest of the world hated them. They were also mad as hell that some big ‘ol fat rich General with his big army had destroyed their lives. They had no hope. They had no pride. They felt like somethin’ the cat drug in; but all they could do was pray.

So the Germans prayed to their God. It seems everybody’s got one; but all God’s must have really big mouths because everybody is always puttin’ a lot of words in them; but we’ll get to that later.

By and by; not long after the Germans started praying to their God; ‘ol Adolf Hitler shows up and said he would fix everything. “Thank God…Thank God!” He was gonna make Germany great again! He said he would be: “Der Fuhrer!” That meant leader; but everybody thought Adolf was such a great guy a lot of the people started calling him “Father” cause he was gonna take care of them. The people adored Father; and father gave them plenty of chances to do that. Father liked being adored so he gave a lot of speeches for the people to come and adore him. He liked to talk you see. He talked on and on…on and on. He said all the people should come and hear him talk. He insisted. Then Father said that the people weren’t to blame for all the shit they were in; but he knew who was to blame. The people liked that:

“We’re not to blame….not to blame!”

Wasn’t that nice? Then the people asked Father who was to blame; and Father said:

“The Jews!”

Some Germans wanted to become Jews before Father came cause everybody in Germany was poor as Job’s Turkey and it seemed the only ones who had a little money was the Jews. But Father changed their minds about that.

So anyway; Adolf started this little club. It was called: “The Nazi Club.” ALL the people couldn’t be in the Nazi Club cause it was an “Exclusive” club. Wasn’t that nice? The Germans had never been in an exclusive club before. There were rules see! First; you had to be a good ‘ol German Christian; and you had to be from a “Master Race.” Jews couldn’t join; no…no…no! Father said the Jews were just something the cat hocked up! They didn’t mean shit! It was also good if you had blond hair and blue eyes and not many Jews had those which turned out to be not so good for the Jews and you’ll see Why! If there were any Mexicans or black folks over there they left pretty damn quick. They didn’t have blond hair and blue eyes and didn’t want ’em. They were quicker than the Jews. They weren’t gonna hang around and put up with a bunch shit for not being the right color. They’d been down that road before.

Father didn’t mind women being in the Master Race; they made babies; they made more Nazis; they were important; but they had to keep their mouths shut about that!

Father was a goofy looking little guy with beady little eyes and a goofy looking little mustache; and he only had one testicle which was kind of funny; but he also had a bad attitude so people didn’t dare make fun of his one testicle. He was real touchy about that. When you went to one of his speeches you had to stick your hand up in the air and say: “Sieg Heil” or something like that. It meant: “We’re all great and we ain’t somethin’ the cat drug in no more!”

It was best if you didn’t disagree with Father; cause boy; if you did; you were gonna get it! The people didn’t mind that too much though cause they got to wear these snappy little uniforms that Father designed and that made everybody feel real important. Anybody that didn’t have a snappy little uniform didn’t mean shit.

One of the reasons the Jews were good folks to blame for the Germans being in all that shit was that they didn’t believe in Jesus; so Father thought they should all go to meet him! The people thought that was a bit harsh; but said:

“Oh well…Father knows best!”

Anyway; about this time there was a German named Fred Trump. He didn’t live in Germany anymore; he lived in America. He thought ‘ol Adolf had some pretty good ideas about the Master Race and stuff; but Fred couldn’t be a Nazi because America frowned on Adolf’s little club; but Fred was in luck cause there was a similar little club in America called: “The Ku Klux Klan.” They didn’t subscribe to that Master Race stuff; they just believed in “White Supremacy;” which when you got right down to it is pretty much the same thing. It meant that the only ones who mattered were white and anyone who wasn’t white didn’t mean shit! These white supremacy folks didn’t have snappy little uniforms like Adolf’s club had; they only had white sheets with hoods over their heads so nobody could see who they were because it was a “SECRET!” Later on; Fred started telling everybody he was from Sweden because Adolf and his little club had a big army and started killing millions of people all over the place who weren’t German. He made ‘ol Bismarck look like an amateur; so America and the rest of the world got real pissed off at Adolf and went over there and kicked and kicked the shit out of him and his army; so Fred thought it was a good idea not to be German anymore!

Fred’s middle name was Christ.  Wasn’t that nice?  But anyway, Fred got rich by borrowing money from his Mom and started building shitty little houses for poor folks to live in.  There were plenty of poor folks to go around.  They had all come to Fred’s city to work for the war effort building ships and tanks and stuff.  Fred was being a good American.  He was being patriotic.  Then he made so much money building shitty little houses that he started building great big fancy hotels that rich white folks could stay in.  Fred wouldn’t let black folks or Mexicans stay in his hotels, and he wouldn’t rent them his shitty little houses either.  They weren’t white.  The little KKK club he was in would have kicked Fred’s ass out damn quick if he rented to someone who wasn’t white.

LO and Behold, by and by Fred had a son.  His name was Donald.  He was a good boy but he was dumb as dirt.  He didn’t go to school much; he didn’t have to cause his daddy was so rich.  Besides; all that learning stuff was so hard; it just made his head hurt; so before he finished the 5^th grade he just quit.  So anyway, when Donald grew up his dad gave him a bunch of money so he could build big hotels too!  Donald didn’t bother with shitty little houses because those were for poor folks and he couldn’t make enough money off poor folks so he said:

 “Fuck ‘em!”

 By and by, Donald had big hotels and stuff all over the world and he got so rich he made his father look like an amateur and this made Donald important.  Everybody said so.  He liked being important.  Everybody said he was smart too because he was rich.  But they were wrong about that, and you’ll see why.

(more later…Dink)

 

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